“All hope abandon ye who enter here” is probably the most famous line from Dante’s Divine Comedy, The Inferno, which chronicles, among other things, Virgil’s descent into hell.
Through me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov’d:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
Such characters in colour dim I mark’d
Over a portal’s lofty arch inscrib’d:
Whereat I thus: Master, these words import
For the countless golfers who seek the thrill of playing the famed Bethpage Black, New York’s golf Mecca, the resulting experience is not unlike the first stanza of Dante’s allegoric poem.
Through me (the starter’s gate to the 1st tee) you pass into the city of woe (an 18-holed city, to boot!).
Through me you pass into eternal pain (uh-huh! actual pain of 4+ hours battling one of the toughest courses the recreational golfer – and indeed professional golfer – will ever play, plus the eternal mental pain of the dent to your misguided ego to think this course is just like any other course you’ve played, or that you could do what the pros make look so “easy” – not!).
Through me among the people lost for aye (yeah… all those people holding up pace of play looking for errant balls in the high fescue grass or ball-engulfing rough. Good luck finding your balls!)
So, it came to pass, that years ago I, during my second (yes, you read that right, SECOND) season as a golfer and the proud owner of a, shall we say, 30-something handicap (now I’m a 20-something – so what?), did not heed the warning sign, did not abandon hope (keep hope alive!) and, with a similarly situated friend, fearlessly went off to see what all the fuss was about. We found out the hard way. Pissed off a man and his very talented teenage son, and they finally left us in the dust (well, rough, really) searching for our balls and played ahead. Yep. Been there. Done that. It was quite funny in hindsight. Still is. It was a great first experience. Two hapless golfers who should have heeded the famed Bethpage Black warning sign, bonding over a round of very bad golf on a fantastic course. We stopped scoring early into the experience (what was the use?) and just enjoyed the experience of it all.
I can’t imagine that any golfer, unless brand new to the game, is not aware of the legend of Bethpage Black. It is one of 5 high-demand golf courses run by Bethpage State Park in Farmingdale, on New York’s Long Island.
Of course, it was the Black where Tiger won his second U.S. Open in 2002. The U.S. Open returned to Bethpage Black in 2009. But since Tiger’s win, the Black Course at Bethpage has become the golden tee time to get, with many a faithful soul showing up at least 4:30 – 5:00 am in the morning to get the coveted early morning tee times. It can get to be a long day on any of the Bethpage courses, the Black included.
Not unlike Dante’s Inferno, Bethpage comes with its own warning sign. Right at the first tee. Ignore it at your own risk. I’ve done so many times since. And, although my game has improved, the course will get you every time. But I don’t suggest you heed the warning. Just be fore!warned. And then, go out there and have the time of your life. Or not. But at least have the best experience ever. It is a beautiful and superbly challenging course.
Bethpage Black Warning (Photo Courtesy of The Fourth Tee Archives)
Unlike the other Bethpage State Park Courses – there is the Red Course (the next best thing to the Black), the Blue Course (probably the third most popular course), the Green Course and the Yellow Course (arguably the least challenging of the Bethpage collection but, by no means easy) – you cannot ride a golf cart. Like the pros, you have to walk the course. This is not a short or easy course. Regulation yardage is 6,684 with a slope/rating of 140/73.1. Championship yardage is 7,366 with a slope/rating of 148/76.6. Of course, you can use a pull cart (okay, pros don’t use pull carts) or hire a caddy (just like the pros!). A few years ago, the last time I played, caddies ran about $75 (not including tip). I might be wrong, but I don’t believe these guys are affiliated with Bethpage. I’ve used a caddy twice. It’s a great feeling to walk an entire course – especially one that the pros have played – swinging your arms freely or with your club of choice as you work your way, eventually slinking in defeat, towards the 18th hole.
The Black is not an easy walk, even when someone is carrying your golf clubs. It is long, it is hilly and, let’s not talk about those bunkers. The Black’s huge bunkers make the ones you see at other public courses look like the sandbox you played in during your nursery school days. And, they guard the course quite jealously. Between the rough, the fescue grass and the bunkers, may God be with you. Vaya con Dios.
After you have been abused and mocked by a mere (yeah, right!) carve-out of land, there is nothing more majestic and relieving than standing on the 18th tee. I always feel as if I’m finishing up a professional tournament when I am perched on the elevated 18th tee. It’s the final stretch and it’s a beautiful hole – probably my favorite. It is incredibly picturesque.
View of Bethpage Black's 18th Hole from the Tee Box. (Photo Courtesy of The Fourth Tee Files)
The 18th green is guarded by those ridiculous bunkers (the Black had to mock you one last time), but just behind is the Clubhouse, a beautiful structure both inside and out, and the promise of the comfort the 19th hole brings. Or not. Because, after you finally drop that last putt, and rip up your score card without adding it up (you know what you did and you don’t want to be reminded of it, or keep any evidence of it), you might just want to high tail it out of there as fast as you can without so much as a backward glance.
Bethpage's Clubhouse behind the 18th Green (Photo Courtesy of The Fourth Tee Archives)
But, like any passionate golfer, by the next week, you are either dialing in 7 days in advance from 3 phones with three of your buddies using three phones each to get a great tee time reservation to repeat the thrilling experience and, hopefully, get the better of the course the next time around – or, planning your next overnight camping trip to the Bethpage parking lot to grab one of those coveted early tee time slots. I say, go for it!
What is the best plan of action the next time?
Read The Warning.
Abandon Hope.
You were Fore!Warned, After All.
Swing Away.
Have A Blast.
And Do It All Over Again.
